Chapter Text
The next morning they meet before sunrise on the helipad. The mood is eerie, silent, foggy somehow. It fits the scene Tony encounters. Barton wears a dark combat suit with a S.H.I.E.L.D emblem on the chest. Like he has nothing of his own to wear and honestly, Tony isn't sure he has. Bruce and Tony look at each other for a second and Tony finds the same uneasiness in Bruce' eyes. The Quinjet is already fired up and Tony feels like he is being led to the slaughter house when he walks up the ramp. Banner and Barton are behind him. Tony doesn’t even want to pretend he understands what the archer must feel like right now. Barton has slept at least three hours last night and he has actually eaten something. Well, it had been a liquid breakfast, some kind of space food that Jarvis has organised according to the list Barton provided him with. It has calories and nutrition value, that’s what matters, right? They are almost completely silent during the flight to S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters and yet the entire flight seems to be very loud. Tony feels like going to war and in some ways that is what he does. He simply isn’t sure which kind of war. He makes sure to make a scene when they take the archer to strip him down and search him for weapons. He insists on being there when they conduct the physical exam, which Barton declines but it makes a point. Stark would not accept any maltreatment of the archer. To his surprise Fury is present during the exam and the medic that conducts it seems to know Barton. Then Barton is led away and Tony and Bruce are sitting in front of the room the hearing takes place in. While they wait several people come and leave, none of them looking too happy to be here. Around noon the medic who has done the physical exam joins them and sits down opposite of Banner. He unpacks his lunch and offers them two sandwiches. Tony looks at him with a raised eyebrow, which only makes the medic smile.
»My name is Jayson O’Hara, Head of field medics and Barton’s medic, so relax. I am not here to spy on you. I am waiting for my turn to be heard.«
That seems to break the ice for Bruce, who accepts a sandwich and when he has eaten his, Tony finally takes one too. If only to keep him busy for a little while longer. They don’t talk and when it is O’Hara’s turn Fury joins them. He sits down heavily and rubs his face.
»How long will this show continue?« Bruce asks after a few minutes. Fury leans back. He looks tired, like most of the S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel they have met during the day.
»There are debriefing sessions for every day Barton has been in captivity. Four sessions. There will be more … in depth questioning, several tests and most likely they will want to keep him over night for observation. Barton is at a huge flight risk. And the WSC isn’t stupid. They know if he goes dark, he goes dark.« It bothers Tony that he in fact has an idea what Fury means with his odd choice of emphasising the word dark.
»They know that he helped take down Loki, right?« Bruce continues before Tony can say anything.
»That doesn’t change the things he did under Loki’s influence. But believe it or not Banner, there are plenty people who are speaking out for Barton. Plenty people who would be dead if he was any less the man he is.« Like Fury himself, Tony thinks. The archer had a clean line of sight for a head shot and still decided for the shot in the west. Tony himself had heard Fury say that. He presumes that Barton has done something similar during the attack of the Helicarrier.
»They also know that if he had wanted to he’d have taken down the Helicarrier no matter what. His shots were aimed for maximum chaos not maximum damage.« Another thing Tony knows to be true. Still Tony has a hard time believing that other members of S.H.I.E.L.D. would speak out for Barton. No one but the medic has greeted Barton when they had entered the headquarters, there hadn’t been a single friendly word spoken, not one smile. Nothing. It hadn’t seem to bother Barton but maybe Barton was used to it.
»What happens … if … they determine that he still … is under Loki’s influence or… that he is guilty?«
»Well, in that case they will lock him away in a high security prison for the rest of his life. Probably chained to a bed, intubated and sedated just to be sure.« There is something in Fury’s voice that prevents Tony from asking further. Right here isn’t the place to discuss anything of what Fury had just said. He leans back and stares out of the window and while he watches the sky darken he is sure that Barton will not get through this without getting worse than he already is. It is mind boggling to him that no one seems to think about that. But then again, most likely the debriefing had been postponed due to Barton’s injuries and maybe due to the fact that Fury had used Tony’s name to protect him.
Finally the doors open and they bring Barton out. He is chained and wears a muzzle, maybe to prevent him from biting. Tony wonders if they had experience with Barton in these kinds of situations. He makes a mental note to later, much later ask about it. Barton doesn’t look at them, doesn’t acknowledge that he notice them. Tony is just about to say, well, rather yell something when Bruce gets up and steps into the way of the guards. He looks them right into the eyes, smiling gently but there is a hint of green on his cheeks.
»I believe you are to release Agent Barton into my care«, he says softly, looking all gentle and almost shy. One of the guards wants to say something when Bruce shakes his head. »I am not here to discuss it. I am here to tell you.«
That is the moment Fury steps in and it is good that he does because Bruce is no longer just a very light shade of green. The guards take off Barton’s restrains and step back as fast as they can.
On the third day Tony, Bruce and even Rogers are heard. To his surprise even Thor shows up. Tony’s hearing is brief, he makes a huge scene out of it just for the sake of annoying them. During Thor’s hearing the sky darkens with angry clouds, it starts to thunder in the distant and Tony is pretty sure that the God of Thunder tells them where to stick it and no one has the guts to stand up to him. Thor isn’t yelling nor does he become rude but he gives his voice so much presence and volume that he is clearly audible through almost the entire headquarters.
»If you had walked half a mile in this archer’s shoes you would lay crying for your mothers, curled up, sobbing. This archer picked himself up after my brother invaded his mind, picked himself up and fought to make it right. Every death that was prevented during these days is a testament to his strength not yours.«
That evening it is Thor who steps in front of the guards and no one is stupid enough to challenge him. Which might has to do with the fact that Thor is carrying Mjölnir with him. Rogers on the other hand only shows up for his hearing and is gone right after. Tony doesn’t mind. He knows he is being unfair and he knows that that is probably the reason why Rogers stays away.
Four days it takes to end the debriefing and every evening they play the same game. They try to keep Barton over night and Bruce steps into their way. Tony isn’t sure why on earth Bruce does it nor why he has the courage to do so but he figures that he is sick and tired of S.H.I.E.L.D. or any other kind of agency is trying to force anyone to do anything. Every night Barton looks tired as f*ck, every night he is a little paler and a little less willing to be in close proximity of humans. He doesn’t eat with them, doesn’t talk to them, doesn’t even look at them. He simply flies back with them and bolts as soon as they touch down at the tower. Tony doesn't blame him one bit. Together with Jarvis he keeps an eye on Barton. He eats what Jarvis provides him with as long as it is sealed. He sleeps in the vent system, curled up around his swords. He doesn’t work out, when they get back to the tower, he simply sits in front of a window and stares into nothingness for hours. Most of the nights he switches to the roof at some point, no matter the weather and Tony spends an entire night in his office pretending to be busy with something just to keep an eye on the archer. On the last evening Barton looks ready to faint when they leave headquarters. To Tony’s surprise O’Hara accompanies them. It makes sense the minute they are in the Quinjet and Barton collapses, O’Hara catching him just in time. The two have to know each other for a long time. The way O’Hara handles the archer talks volumes. He stays with Barton during the night, watches over him while he sleeps. Tony watches them for some time while he tinkers with some technical toy. The next morning he intercepts O’Hara on his way out, after Jarvis has informed him that Barton actually slept for a whole nine hours, well, with the help of medication but still. He gives him a phone and a card.
»What is that for?« O’Hara asks, confused but not too confused. Tony shrugs.
»If … we are to work with him again, we need someone who can handle him when he is hurt. You obviously can«, is all Tony says. He doesn’t like to make a big deal out of these things. O’Hara snickers. He seems to have the same no nonsense attitude as Barton.
The archer actually shows up for breakfast, which is really good because Tony has some things they need to talk through with him. Thor and Bruce are already there.
»So what is the verdict? Or didn’t it get passed down yet?« Bruce asks between to bites of eggs. Barton shrugs. He finishes shaking his breakfast shake before he answers.
»Loki seems to be… out of my mind. A lot of people died…« when he says that he briefly looks at Thor but Thor doesn’t interrupt him, »but I guess they value me more as an asset than as a prisoner.« Barton doesn’t say that it probably helped to have the team stood behind him. No one wants to anger a huge green rage monster nor a God of Thunder. It is what it is.
»What happens now?«
Barton leans back, takes a sip from his shake. Tony wonders how long it will take before he will eat solid food again. He hasn’t seen him do that so far.
»I am grounded until… further notice. So hide and heal it still is.«
»Great. Maybe now you can show me some of your arrow designs?«
Barton doesn’t look too happy and indeed he shakes his head. But before Tony can protest Barton actually gives him a reason for the decline.
»Let me have… a few days to breathe and work some of the tension out of my system after that we can … talk about the arrows.« It makes sense for Tony and as much as he wants to study them he knows that he cannot protest. Barton needs to come on his own terms. That much he has understood by now. And actually asking for time to calm down is a step forward, Tony knows that. It just doesn't feel like it right now.
To his surprise Barton still shows up in the workshop and actually spends most of the day there. Each of them work on something on their own only connected by being in the same room. Tony isn’t really working, he pretty much is simply watching the archer. Barton works on his laptop and on a tablet that isn’t one of Tony’s. He wears headphones, one side pushed behind the ear so he is still able to hear what is going on in the room. He doesn’t look relaxed but … less tense.
Shortly after three p.m. Banner enters the workshop and Barton flinches. Violently. Then he packs up his things, makes an excuse and leaves.
»Wow, I thought he’d be more thankful«, Tony wonders out loud but Bruce only shrugs it off. It bothers Tony that Barton’s behaviour doesn’t bother Bruce. When he says so Bruce shakes his head.
»Tony, in the past … days, he was forced into cooperating with people who were out for his head. His days were dictated to him. Nothing of it was his choice. Including me or Thor interfering. Let him have the control now. Give him time and space and he will come around. And if he doesn’t that is his choice too.«
There is something in Bruce’ voice that Tony can’t quite pin point. Maybe it is the experience of being hunted. Tony has never been hunted to be killed or worse. Yes, he has been kidnapped, but that is something different to being on the run for months, years on end. Still he feels bad for Bruce. Bruce only smiles his shy little smile.
»It’s okay, Tony. There are days I can hardly stand the presence of other humans too. And sometimes one more is one too many.«
Part of Clint feels bad for Banner. The physician doesn’t deserve the way he had reacted to Banner joining them in the workshop. Clint simply hadn’t been able to prevent it. It is hard enough to deal with Stark, yet in a completely different way. As challenging as Stark is, his presence is in a way comforting. It feels like being around Howard again. As long as Stark doesn’t move around or blasts music so loud that one couldn’t even hear their own thoughts. Banner’s presence on the other hand feels like drowning, almost threatening and he barely keeps control. It has become even more prominent since the debriefing. Of course Clint has been relieved when Banner had prevented the WSC from keeping him there but it also has felt like he now is in debt to him.
Clint withdraws as much as possible over the next few days. Sometimes even the presence of Jarvis is too much and Clint escapes into the vent system just to be somewhat out of reach. The work on his new apartment is done pretty fast and it is much more fitted to his needs. Less windows, less light, less activity. The colours are darker, the lights dimmer which is vital so he doesn’t have to wear his glasses all the time. He spends his alone time mostly reading or working out, picks up his daily routine again, circling through acrobatics, stamina and strength training. For the bow he doesn’t have enough space but he practises anyway, short distance even though that is kind of boring. To make it more interesting he ads a pole into it and shots from every possible position. The less he interacts with people the more he calms down, the more he is in control. And the more he finally turns towards the memories he has from the time under Loki’s influence. During the debriefing he had stuck to the things he could clearly remember but mostly the memories have been foggy. Now the fog lifts day by day a little more. He starts to collect everything he is able to remember. Sometimes a smell triggers something, sometimes he wakes in the middle of the night from a nightmare that gives him a new detail. It isn’t enough though. Bit by bit he pieces together a timeline, minute by minute but the blank spots are still huge. There are hours missing from it when he can’t recall what he has done in that time. And that is something that truly worries him.
A week after the debriefing Fury informs Clint that Coulson has survived, well, kind of survived. With the information comes the command not to tell Stark and the rest of the team. Well, what team? Until now Clint has not agreed to work with anyone further, once Fury lets him back into active duty he will not look back. So why does it bother him that he can’t tell Stark that Coulson has survived? Clint has no idea where the regret is coming from. He has withheld more dire information in more tense situations. Regret isn’t something he usually can afford so he simply doesn’t do it. Why now? He needs to move, needs to exhaust himself to get rid of the feeling, to clear his head. He looks at his reflection in the polished walls of the lift and suddenly not only his eyes stare back at him. There is the faint impression of his brother’s face, his dark blue eyes, his smirk. Clint shakes his head to get rid of the impression. He loses himself in running for more than two hours and only when he simply cannot take another step he lets himself think that he might regret not being able to tell because he is starting to trust Stark. He needs half a day to put on the mask he needs to keep this to himself. Part of him wonders if Fury has done this on purpose, so that Clint has something to hide behind, something that brings him back to the pretending and not showing he needs so badly for doing his job.
Tony lets Barton have the space he so obviously needs. That gives him time to handle and settle in Thor. Which is a much harder task than it is with Barton. Thor lacks the general knowledge how to behave around humans of earth. But they work it out, well, kind of. Most of the times. They fall in some kind of routine. Most of the times they don’t eat together which is mostly due to Tony sleeping in most of the days. Bruce is an early bird and and early sleeper and Thor, well Thor spends most of his days out with Jane or on his floor, learning about the world he has fallen so hard for.
Bruce, Tony and Barton mostly cross path in the workshops. Sometimes Tony works with Bruce for a few hours and, after Bruce has left for the night or to tend to some other business, Barton shows up. Sometimes he only sits in a corner on a chair or on one of the work desks, reading something or working on something on his laptop or tablet. Tony really would like to get his hands on the archer’s private laptop. It doesn’t look like a standard laptop, the case is plastered with stickers, some are old, half way worn off, some fairly new but they all have one thing in common. They all are extremely colourful. Some even look like they are made and meant for children. Sometimes Tony simply sits there and listens to the soft clicking of the keyboard under Barton’s fast hands.
Tony notices that Barton really likes routines. He sticks to a schedule once it has been established. He also notices that the archer is much more at ease in his new apartment than he has been on the floor Tony had intended for him and his creepy girlfriend. By now Tony has decided that he finds Barton way more creepy than Romanoff. He even discusses this with Bruce a few times. But Bruce actually thinks that Barton is easy to handle as long as one stuck to the rules he laid down. It irritates Tony a lot. As far as he knows Barton has never laid down any rules to handle him with Bruce. Bruce only laughs when Tony asks him about it.
»He might not have said something. But he still did make clear what he wants and what not. Do not touch, do not startle, do not corner me. Didn’t you realise that he prepares his own food? He never touches anything he has not seen made or that is open. He even checks the seals on the water bottle before he drinks something. He always sits with his back to a wall, always has the entrance and possible exits in view.«
Tony is stunned. How on earth did Bruce get such a good grip on Barton all on his own while Tony feels so overwhelmed most of the time? He asks about it and almost wishes he hadn’t.
»Trauma recognises trauma. I believe Agent Barton has survived horrible things. Trauma tends to make you this way.«
Tony never brings up that topic again.
Clint almost turns around when he enters the common area and not only finds Thor there but Banner as well. He is sitting at the kitchen island, reading something and holding a cup of coffee half way up to his mouth. Clint snickers. Thor waves him closer and Clint has no choice. So he takes a deep breath and steps out of the lift. More than a week has passed since the debriefing and right now it is looking like he will stay for a while longer. He walks over to Thor who is trying to put a delivery of groceries away but isn’t sure where goes what. So far Clint has avoided Thor as much as possible. It is not that Thor has done something to him but … well, with Thor comes the thought of Loki and with Loki the rattling in his mind grows louder again and his world starts to change colours faster than he likes. And yet, Thor is not his brother, he has stood in front of Clint to protect him when he finally was able to do so. So Clint gives himself a push and helps Thor put away the delivery. He briefly explains what is what while Thor nods overwhelmed and probably has forgotten half the things after a few minutes. Clint can’t blame him. Since Thor’s return to earth every time they have met Thor has looked at him with eyes that carried not only a great amount of respect but also worry. Worry about what?
»The delivery came in an hour ago, there is a package for you in it as well«, Banner says softly without looking at him. Clint nods. He has asked Jarvis for new shakes and some high calorie snacks. Maybe it is time to finally face Banner. Clint knows that he and Banner in a twisted way are very similar.
»Want something to eat?« he asks, half way turned to Banner, who is looking up surprised. He looks back and forth between Clint and Thor until he is sure that Clint has asked him.
»Uhm… yeah?« he slowly answers. That is good enough for Clint. He is kind of hungry too and well, he can cook. He has to cook and why not for the rest of the bunch then as well. He likes cooking. Bobbi had loved his cooking and over the years he had gotten quite good at it. It is a little bit like meditating. Thor sits down at the island as well, clearly not comfortable being so close to Clint when he picks up a knife. Lost in thoughts Clint starts washing the vegetables, prepares the rice and meat. It feels good to hear the steady sound of the knife cutting through the veggies. It feels good to do something with his hands, create something. Clint has always loved making things with his hands. Most likely the reason why he had gotten into cooking, carpentry and some other things. Oh and of course making his own arrows. He is focused on his tasks and ignores his surroundings. Still he notices Stark joining them and Pepper as well. For a brief moment Clint wonders where Tasha is right now but then he pushes the thought away. Right now he wants to be in the situation. With one ear he listens to Banner and Stark discussing something about gamma radiation and Stark newest idea for his suits. And to Pepper who is asking Thor about Jane and what he is up to. Clint doesn’t look up, doesn’t join the chatting back and forth and thankfully the others leave him alone. He starts mixing the ingredients together, roasts the onions, the meat and somewhere in between the steadiness of the motions and sounds he starts to relax. His shoulders sink a little lower, his breathing slows down a little bit and his heartbeat drops. Clint knows that Fury wants him here because of that. Because he has known that Clint at some point would start to adapt. Adapting was something Clint was really good at. Doesn’t mean he liked it though and he isn’t quite there just yet. It’s a start.
Without saying something he puts different bowls on the kitchen island, hands out dishes for them and finally sits down himself. He doesn’t wait for the rest, instead he fills his plate and starts eating. He knows that they are looking at him but it doesn’t matter. Right now it doesn’t. Slowly, one by one they follow his example and somehow they sink back into their chat.
»Not bad, Barton, not bad at all«, Stark finally says softly. Banner snickers and Pepper giggles. Thor is still busy eating and that makes Clint smile to himself. It gives him the feeling that things somehow will turn out to be okay. They are a weird bunch of people.
Now, did you forget about me?
Clint is so startled that he almost drops his chopsticks, still he manages to not visible flinch. The room around him has vanished and he is back at Loki’s side. Knelling in front of the frost giant, looking up to him. Loki is laughing softly, full of silky poison. Clint bites the inside of his cheek hard and the flashback goes up in red hot burning pain. His hands are slightly trembling and he tastes blood. He needs to get out of here, immediately. Out of the corner of his eye he can see that Stark has noticed that something is wrong. He looks directly at Clint, one eyebrow raised in question. Clint drops his look down onto the table. He cannot deal with it right now. Slowly he gets up, takes his bowl and sets it into the kitchen sink. He makes a point in nodding to the rest, who are looking at him unsure what is going on and mumbles something about needing fresh air. It takes all of his self control to not start running towards the lift. When the doors finally close behind him, he slides down the wall, covers his head with his arms. He needs to get out of here. He needs to move, to focus his mind on something else.
